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Posts Tagged ‘kafka’

NHS Query

In Department of Psychology, Letters on February 24, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Dear Camille Administrativu [CMHT Duty Officer],

I have recently been given your name in connection with some enquiries I am making regarding the policy of Dudley PCT/Dudley NHS on referrals and treatment for adults with attention deficit disorder. The reason for these enquiries is that the treatment I have recieved at the hands of Dudley CMHT makes no sense to me and, I believe, makes no objective sense when the current understanding of adult ADHD is taken into account.

Let me first outline the treatment I speak of over the last 4 years. I will stick to the facts of referrals made and prescriptions given in order to minimise any expressions of anger and frustration that I find it hard to suppress when thinking of or discussing the human aspects of the last few years of my dealings with Dudley NHS mental health.

A referral was made to a local psychiatrist with a (perhaps vague) specialism in ADHD sometime, I believe, in 2006. I never heard from this again.

A diagnosis of ADHD was made. (I was not informed of this until 3-4 years later.) I presume this to have been made in 2006, but since I discovered this fact in late 2010 I cannot confirm this.

Stratera/Atomoxetine was prescribed sometime in 2006-2007. I took it for a few months. It was a particularly difficult and chaotic time of my (difficult and chaotic) life and for that reason the ability to gauge the efficacy of the medication was not optimal. Nevertheless, it is clear that the medication did not significantly reduce the restlessness, impulsivity, incidence of angry, constant and intrusive daydreams and “brainstorms”, disorganisation, inability to relax etc etc., that is the manifestation of my ADHD. This ought not to be wholly unexpected given as Stratera/Atomoxetine is generally agreed to be less effective in reducing the symptoms of ADHD than stimulant medications, and completely ineffective in a significant minority of individuals.

In addition to its ineffectiveness, Stattera led to a number of alarming (to me) side effects. Deep sleep came suddenly and unbidden at inconvenient times of the day. Since another part of my problem is asperger’s syndrome and a need for routine, this was highly disturbing to me.

In short, Atomoxetine was not suitable for me.

Following this wholly unsuccessful assay with Atomoxetine, it was as if we had exhausted all possibilities. My psychiatrist at Hill House repeatedly talked to me about the difficulties of diagnosis in adulthood and the difficulty of doing anything for me. He wrote to my doctor regarding the heartening absence of problems I did not at any point consult him for and referrals were, eventually made, that I then heard nothing about. Read the rest of this entry »

The Freedom of the City – fragment

In Creative Writing Department, Fragment, Writing Diary on September 29, 2009 at 10:20 pm


On a whim I have just opened and read a fragment of a novel I begain back when I was having a major crisis having left work, been left by a woman I loved (for reasons unfathomable to me now perhaps, if love should ever be that), and having, over the course of the relationship, been so frequently the subject of attacks against every aspect of my personality that I felt sub-human, my asperger’s and ADHD and whatever it is in my head resolving to make me an utterly odious individual incapable of being reformed. Well, that obviously led me down some pretty dark lanes in my mind, and when I finally found it in me to write prose fiction again, as I had been unable to for a long time, I started writing something extemporaneously over a theme that was redolent of Kafka, as, indeed, was my mindset. (Writers too often try to make claims for the originality of their work by downplaying the influences of their forebears, but my outlook on life was Kafkaesque before ever I read Kafka as a result of my mental wiring and so it would be far from absurd to relate that such a story as this might not have been substantially different if I had never read him; indeed, that is what I believe. You may believe otherwise. Kafka certainly, though, is of course a reference point held in my mind as I write here, as is, for example Wolf Solent by John Cowper Powys, and the film The Bothersome Man.) I have not opened the document for months, having given up on the idea with the realistic belief there would be little point in committing to a novel that I was led to be a specific moment and which ephemeral, in the sense that I have such ideas almost every day. It could have been any of them, and so, at any day, it could be replaced. Coincidentally, I created the document exactly six months ago today. I have been writing for half a year now.

The Freedom of the City

 Chapter 1

 With everything said that needed to be said – everything said, at least, that could be said – and all the questions answered that he could think to ask – all the questions, that is, he had the nerve and motivation to ask – R stood with the three of them around the yet-to-be-unpacked coffee machine. An uneasy silence settled around them that Mr Krimson determined to defeat with his busy fumblings with the cardboard box, the polystyrene packaging that had to be dragged from it, and the many individually-wrapped chrome implements he put together with a bemused dedication and desultory commentary. Messrs [Gule] and Claret walked to the window and admired the view in stilted tones, discussing the many hand made birdboxes that punctuated the colourful, well-watered garden.

“Ah, which leaves this, aha, which goes in here,” said Mr Krimson, evidently pleased with himself as he twisted an arm into place with what was, it had to be admitted, a satisfying clunk. He removed it and placed it on the counter, struggling then to open a vacuum-sealed pack of coffee. Read the rest of this entry »